Dragonquest in Half an Hour
by calenlily
Summary: Dragonquest, the condensed version. Picking up the crack retelling where "Dragonflight in Half an Hour" left off.
1. Chapters I,II,III

_Disclaimer_: Anne McCaffery owns Dragonriders of Pern. I only own some plot bunnies. *The last line is crossed out.* Sorry, I meant the plot bunnies own me.  
_AN_: Here it is, the long awaited sequel to _Dragonflight in Half an Hour_. *Ducks rotten tomatoes* ..Okay, so maybe "long-awaited" is a bit of an overstatement. But anyway, here it is, I hope the funny isn't too worn out yet. Enjoy, and please review.  
Squeeful good news on the personal front: I finally got my own copy of Dragonquest! (Now I can return the copy I've been keeping hostage from the library.) After searching for a used version for three months, I finally gave in, despite feeling ridiculous buying new a book I've already read, and ordered a new copy since I got a gift card to my favorite bookstore for Christmas. Plus I found a cheap used copy of _Skies of Pern_ while I was at it. I'm rebuilding my collection, huzzah!  
Speech, _Thoughts,_ *Actions and Emotions*, "3!" = heart emoticon, because ff .net is a formatting-eating beast. The format's a little bit changed because apparently the site is nice enough to recognize asterisks as valid characters now, but otherwise, same old, same old.

_**

* * *

Dragonquest**_** in Half an Hour  
**

_Chapter I_  
Robinton: *Writer's block*  
Robinton: Meh  
Robinton: *Awesome exposition action*

Benden Weyr: *Peaceful* *For once*  
Canth: *Lazy*  
F'nor: Slothful wretch!  
Canth: Whatever  
Numbweed: *Stink*  
F'nor: Drat  
Manora: Come here!  
F'nor: Hey Manora, Lessa, …who're you?  
Brekke: Hi  
Lessa: Lookit the freaky pot  
F'nor: Meh  
Manora: No rly  
F'nor: K, fine  
F'nor: *Tease*  
Lessa: *Tease*  
Brekke: O.o  
Manora: *Nag*  
F'nor: Whatever  
F'nor: *Gone*

T'reb: I'm a temperamental bully because my dragon's horny!  
B'naj: I don't see anything wrong with this  
Terry: Eek!  
F'nor: Hi  
T'reb: *Defensive*  
F'nor: *Cool*  
Terry: *Polite*  
T'reb: *Aggressive*  
F'nor: *Intervene*  
B'naj: I'm going to just stand here and make the situation worse!  
T'reb: *Attack*  
F'nor: Oww!

_Chapter II_  
F'lar: *Fume*  
Mnementh: Calm down  
F'lar: Why do you like giving advice so much?  
F'lar: *Sigh*  
Weyrleaders: *Arrive*  
T'ron: I'm an overbearing incompetent arse!  
F'lar: *Pleasant*  
T'ron: _Wut?_  
T'ron: *Accusatory*  
Other Weyrleaders: *Correcting*  
T'bor: *Provocative*  
F'lar: _Mnementh, tell him to shut up_  
T'bor: O.o  
T'ron: *Accusatory*  
F'lar: *Reasonable*  
T'bor: *Provocative*  
D'ram + G'narish: *Reluctant*  
T'ron: *Accusatory*  
F'lar: *Reasonable*  
T'bor: *Provocative*  
D'ram + G'narish: *Reluctant*  
T'ron: *Accusatory*  
F'lar: *Reasonable*  
T'bor: *Provocative*  
D'ram + G'narish: *Reluctant*  
F'lar: _I'm beginning to see a pattern here_  
T'ron: That's it!  
G'narish: Wut?  
D'ram: *Preachy*  
F'lar: *Sigh*  
T'bor: *Angry*  
F'lar: *Reasonable*  
T'bor: *Sigh*  
F'lar: *Frustrated*

_Chapter III_  
Ramoth: OMG Thread!  
Benden Weyr: OMG wut?!  
Benden Weyr: *Chaos*  
Thread: *Fall*  
Dragons: *Flame*  
Dragons: Oww!  
Mnementh: Something's wrong with this picture  
F'lar: *Worried*  
Asengar: Nice job  
Asengar: Oh, btw, I'm just going to casually mention that Thread's been falling wonky all over the place  
F'lar: _OMG wut?!_  
F'lar: *Smile and nod*  
Asengar: *Worry about forests*  
F'lar: *Reassuring*  
Asengar: *Worry about new crafthall*  
F'lar: *Agreeing*  
Asengar: This is just preaching to the choir  
Mnementh: _Can we go already?_

Lessa: OMG you're hurt!  
F'lar: _Tattletale_  
Mnementh: *Unrepentant*  
F'lar: *Pout*  
Lessa: *Lecture*  
Lessa: So anyway… wuzzgoinon?  
F'lar: *Explain*  
F'lar: *Frustrated*  
Lessa: *Righteous anger*  
Mnementh: LOL  
Lessa: *Sigh*  
F'lar: *Sigh*  
Lessa: We've got company  
T'ron: *Furious and arrogant*  
F'lar: *Pleasant*  
T'ron: *Accusatory*  
F'lar: Oh, btw…  
T'ron: OMG wut?!  
F'lar: *Accidentally provocative*  
F'lar: _Whoops_  
Lessa: *Sweet and charming*  
F'lar: O.o  
T'ron: *Cooperative* *Somewhat* *For once*  
D'ram + G'narish: Wuzzgoinon?  
Messenger: OMG chaos at Telgar!  
Weyrleaders: OMG!  
Lessa: We have to help!  
T'ron: No wai!  
Lessa: Wai!  
G'narish: Srsly, wai  
Lessa: *Gone*  
F'lar: *Explain*  
F'lar: *Suggestion*  
T'ron: No wai!  
G'narish: *Suggestion*  
F'lar: *Suggestion*  
D'ram + G'narish: Yeah  
T'ron: *Pout*  
T'ron: But…  
F'lar: No rly  
D'ram: But…  
F'lar: *Handwave*  
F'lar: *Suggestion*  
D'ram: *Reluctant*  
F'lar: *Sigh*  
D'ram + T'ron: *Leaving*  
Lessa: Wait up!  
D'ram + T'ron: *Gone*  
G'narish: Wuzzgoinon?  
Lessa: *Explain*  
F'lar + Lessa + G'narish: *Discuss*  
G'narish: *Leaving*  
Lessa: *Accompanying*  
Lessa: *Flirt*  
F'lar: *Facepalm*  
Mnementh: LOL  
Lessa: *Sigh*  
F'lar: O rly?  
Lessa: *Pout*  
F'lar: *Worry*  
Lessa: *Rant*  
Lessa: *Relent*  
Lessa: 3!  
F'lar: 3!  
F'lar: Oww!  
Lessa: Whoops  
F'lar: *Sigh*  
F'lar: *Lightbulb*  
Lessa: Already there  
Lessa: *Scold*  
F'lar: LOL, fine


	2. Chapters IV, V, VI, VII

_Disclaimer_: Anne McCaffrey owns Dragonriders of Pern. I only own some plot bunnies. *The last line is crossed out.* Sorry, I meant the plot bunnies own me.  
_AN_: As usual, I fail at timely updating. Ah well, here's this now.  
Speech, _Thoughts,_ *Actions and Emotions*, "3!" = heart emoticon, because ff .net is a formatting-eating beast. The format's a little bit changed because apparently the site is nice enough to recognize asterisks as valid characters now, but otherwise, same old, same old.

_**

* * *

Dragonquest**_** in Half an Hour  
**

_Chapter IV_  
Kylara: *Pout*  
Kylara: *Demanding*  
Rannelly: *Obsequious*  
Rannelly: *Fussy*  
Kylara: Rawr  
Kylara: Fwee!  
Prideth: *Pout*  
Kylara: Meh  
Prideth: 3!  
Kylara: 3!  
T'bor: Hi  
Kylara: Meh  
T'bor: *Pout*  
T'bor: *Polite*  
Kylara: Rawr  
T'bor: *Stern*  
Kylara: _Rawr_!  
Kylara: *Plot*

T'bor: Oi!  
Brekke: Over here  
F'nor: *Tease*  
T'bor: *Tetchy*  
Brekke: *Businesslike*  
T'bor: *Worried*  
Brekke: *Generous*  
F'nor: *Protest*  
T'bor: *Tetchy*  
Brekke: *Disparaging*  
F'nor: LOL  
Brekke: *Blush*  
Brekke: Mardra's flying upper levels  
F'nor + T'bor: Wut?  
Brekke: *Explain*  
F'nor: OMG!  
F'nor: *Worried*  
T'bor: *Bitter*  
F'nor: Huh?  
T'bor: *Explain*  
F'nor: *Dismissive*  
T'bor: Kylara's going to cause trouble  
F'nor: What can she do, change Thread patterns?  
T'bor: No, that wasn't her  
F'nor: Wait a minute, _wut_?  
Brekke: *Apologetic*  
T'bor: *Bitter*  
T'bor: *Leave*  
F'nor: *Worried*  
Brekke: *Soothing*  
F'nor: What's this about Thread patterns?  
Brekke: *Explain*  
F'nor: *Restless*  
Brekke: *Scold*  
F'nor: *Tease*  
Brekke: *Dismissive*  
Brekke: Canth is calling you  
F'nor: K  
F'nor: Wait a minute, _wut_?  
F'nor: Can you hear all dragons?  
Brekke: Sure  
F'nor: *Facepalm*  
Brekke: *Gone*  
Canth: *Innocent*  
F'nor: Huh  
Canth: *Pout*  
F'nor: *Sigh*  
Canth: *Swim*  
Canth: Zzzz  
Canth: Look!  
F'nor: Wut?  
Grall: Hi  
F'nor: Hi  
Grall: *Gone*  
F'nor: OMG! A firelizard!  
Canth: Ya, I noes.  
F'nor: OMG!  
Canth: Whatever  
F'nor: *Plot*  
Grall: *Back*  
Grall: *Hungry*  
Grall: 3!  
Grall: Zzzz  
F'nor: Aww!  
F'nor: *Plot*  
F'nor: Oi, everyone! Firelizards!  
Riders: *Arrive*  
Firelizards: *Impress*  
Other firelizards: *Ded*  
Riders: Ooh!  
Dragons: Whatever  
F'nor: Think they're offended?  
Brekke: Nah  
Kylara: Wuzzgoinon?!  
Brekke: *Defensive*  
F'nor: *Pleasant*  
Kylara: *Angry*  
Kylara: Mine!  
Firelizard: Rawr  
F'nor: Bad idea  
Kylara: *Want*  
F'nor: I'll tell you how to get one _if you'll go away_  
Kylara: *Harsh*  
F'nor: *Taunt*  
Kylara: *Gone*  
Brekke: *Preachy*  
Brekke: Firelizards could be useful  
F'nor: Wut?  
Brekke: *Explain*  
F'nor: O rly?  
G'sel: Ya rly  
F'nor: Huh

_Chapter V_  
Jaxom: Fwee, dragons!  
Lytol: *Disapproving*  
Jaxom: *Pout*  
Felessan: Hi!  
Lytol: *Embarassing*  
Jaxom: *Pout*  
Felessan: C'mon  
Jaxom: K  
Jaxom: *Nervous*  
Felessan: *Taunting*  
Jaxom: Meh  
Felessan: Look, eggs!  
Jaxom: Shiny!  
Jaxom: *Touch*  
Felessan: Bad!  
Jaxom: Wut?  
Possibly-Ramoth: *Rumble*  
Jaxom + Felessan: Oh noes!  
Jaxom + Felessan: Run awaaay!  
Jaxom + Felessan: *Lost*  
Jaxom: + Felessan: Oh noes!  
Air: *Bad*  
Jaxom + Felessan: *Faint*

Lytol: *Grumble*  
F'lar + Lessa: *Soothing*  
Robinton + Fandarel: Hi  
Lessa: *Tease*  
Robinton: Wine!  
F'lar: Srs bsns naow  
Everyone: *Bad news*  
Everyone: *Discuss*  
Fandarel: I've invented the telegraph!  
Robinton: _Now_ you tell us  
Everyone: *Discuss*  
F'lar: We can has plan!  
Everyone: Fwee!  
Lytol: Leaving now  
Lytol: Where's Jaxom?  
Everyone: Huh  
Everyone: Oh noes!  
Manora: They probably went to see the eggs  
Lessa: Wut?!  
F'lar: Oh, of course  
Lessa: Rawr!  
F'lar: *Soothing*  
Everyone: *Search*  
F'lar + Lytol: Aha!  
Jaxom + Felessan: Zzz  
Lytol: *Worried*  
F'lar: *Reassuring*  
Manora: *Reassuring*  
Fandarel: Ooh, rooms!  
Everyone: *Explore*  
Everyone: Ooh!  
Fandarel: A mysterious device which readers will immediately recognize is a telescope!  
Everyone: Ooh!  
F'lar: *Lightbulb*  
Lessa: No wai!  
F'lar: We could see the Red Star! We could go to the Red Star!

Jaxom: *Awake*  
Manora: *Fuss*  
Jaxom: I'm fine! I'm in trouble?  
Manora: No  
Manora: *Tease*  
Jaxom: _I could be in trouble_  
Manora: You found rooms  
Jaxom: *Curious*  
Manora: There was some weird stuff in them  
Jaxom: Cool  
Everyone: Hi  
Jaxom: …Uh, hi  
Lessa: Let him eat  
Lessa: You okay?  
Jaxom: *Choke*  
Jaxom: I'm fine!  
Everyone: *Discuss rooms*  
Fandarel: *Gropes telescope*

_Chapter VI_  
Kylara: I can has fire lizards!  
Kylara: *To Nabol*  
Kylara: *Imperious*  
Meron: *Grumpy*  
Kylara: Come on. Fire-lizard eggs!  
Meron: Wut?  
Kylara: Impressionable mini-dragons  
Meron: Ooh!  
Men: Wuzzgoinon?  
Kylara: *Lecture*  
Kylara: *Demanding*  
Meron: *Impatient*  
Kylara: *Chastising*  
Meron: Why bother?  
Kylara: Control  
Meron: Ooh!  
Meron: How do we capture them?  
Kylara: *Lecture*  
Meron: Do it! Failure is not allowed!  
Kylara: Lol you're dumb  
Fire lizards: *Hatch*  
Everyone: *Chaos*  
Queen fire lizard: *Hungry*  
Kylara: *Lure*  
Fire lizards: *Ded*  
Guys who managed to Impress fire lizards: Aww!  
Kylara: *Bored*  
Prideth: *Disapproving*  
Kylara: Whatever

_Chapter VII_  
Messenger: *Delivers letter from F'nor*  
Messenger: It's urgent  
F'lar: Whatever  
F'lar + Lessa: *To Telgar*  
Ramoth: *Sparkle*  
F'lar + Mnementh: *Appreciative*  
Mnementh + Ramoth: Bye, we're going swimming  
Lessa: Lol  
Terry: Hi!  
Fandarel: *Oblivious*  
Fandarel: Oi, Wansor!  
Terry: Dude, Wansor's been asleep for ages  
Fandarel: Oh  
Fandarel: Oh, hi  
Fandarel: Sorry I haven't recreated telescopes yet  
F'lar: S'okay, I'll give you till tonight before I accuse you of inefficiency  
Fandarel: ROFL!  
F'lar: O.o  
F'lar: He's nuts!  
Lessa: *Sympathetic*  
Lessa: *Tease*  
Terry: ROFL!  
Lessa: I'm surrounded by fools!  
Terry: Let me demonstrate this amazing new invention readers will immediately recognize is a loudspeaker  
F'lar: That's the telegraph?  
Fandarel: No! Let me demonstrate this amazing new invention readers will immediately recognize is a telegraph  
Telegraph: *Is a mess of pots and wires*  
F'lar + Lessa: O.o  
Fandarel: *Explain*  
F'lar + Lessa: Ooh  
Women: *March in, deliver food, march out*  
F'lar + Lessa: O.o  
Lessa: This food sucks  
F'lar: *Facepalm*  
Terry: That's cuz we've drafted everyone with half a brain to help with crazy new inventions  
Lessa: *Facepalm*  
Lessa: I'm making some decent klah  
Lessa: *Gone*  
F'lar: It is kinda ridiculous  
Fandarel: Whatever  
Fandarel + Terry: *Complain about lost knowledge*  
F'lar: *Helpful suggestions*  
Fandarel + Terry: Doh!  
Terry: *Impromptu speech*  
F'lar: _OMG Terry has a mind of his own!_  
F'lar: You should run a telegraph to Telgar for the Gather  
Fandarel: Yeah!  
F'lar: *Helpful*  
Terry: Thanks!  
F'lar: You say it like it's unusual  
Fandarel: *Impromptu speech*  
F'lar: Hmm  
Lessa: Wow!  
F'lar: *Tease*  
Everyone: *Discuss*  
F'lar + Lessa: *Leaving*  
F'lar: *Stops to read letter*  
F'lar: OMG fire lizards!  
Others: Wut? Fire lizards?!  
Letter: *Passed around*  
Everyone: OMG!


End file.
